A Loving Journey

I recently had a miscarriage...they say it was 8 weeks, but I've been pregnant longer than that so it's confusing. let me clarify...nothing has expelled yet! I went for my ultrasound today and they told me that my baby has no hearbeat, and they want to do a D&C...I would rather not. I guess my questions are could they be wrong? When should I start to bleed or expell stuff if the baby is dead? I'm a first time pregnant/miscarriage experiencer...or something to that effect. If anyone knows more about this, feel free to comment.

I am so sorry. I do not know why they would tell you that you are 8 weeks along when you have been pregnant longer than that. Doctors, especially during miscarriage, can be very difficult people. And often are quite insensitive.

We are here to answer any questions you have, you can talk about your feelings, you can talk about how messed up this all is, anything you want. Or even if you want to talk about normal life and just share a space with women who understand your pain. We have been there. It is so sad and so hard. I am sending lots of love and giving you big hugs. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

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I wrote some information to answer your questions. It is kinda long but I hope it helps. Feel free to ask more questions. I've had an early miscarriage and lost a son after giving birth full-term.

Could they be wrong??
I don't know if you know the way they determine miscarriage but they count your pregnancy hormone. If they find that it isn't going up, and especially if they find that it is going down, then they say you are having a miscarriage. And if you are going down then it is certain. Your hormone is supposed to double every two days in the first few months. Sometimes they are wrong because not every women is the same and doctors can jump to conclusions, say if your hormones are doubling every three days instead of every two days. But they mostly are not wrong. Although I know what it is is like to hope for that miracle that they are wrong.

Should I have a D&C??
You can certainly wait and try and have a natural miscarriage. You don't have to have a D&C right away. Usually though if you haven't started bleeding by a certain time the doctors will recommend a D&C. I've heard that before 10 weeks along a D&C isn't usually typical. So you should be fine going naturally unless the doctors have a specific reason for you to have a D&C. Some women are scared of complications to their fertility if they do not expel the tissue naturally and so want a D&C. Others are scared that a D&C will harm baby if it's not a miscarriage, cause complications, or not allow their body to process naturally. It is a very personal choice. I did not have a D&C but many many women do.

When will I bleed??
If you are having a miscarriage you should start to bleed when your hormone reaches 0. For me it took some time to start bleeding. Your doctor can do a blood test to make sure your hormones have reached 0. I would say no longer than a week after you find out but I am not sure of that. And the bleeding can last awhile, typical for an early miscarriage would be a week. If bleeding is heavier or longer than a typical period they want you to go back into the doctor. And your period will come 4-8 weeks after your bleeding stops.

Baby
I had an early miscarriage, at about six weeks, and did not notice anything in particular expelled. I was told by friends and the doctor that it is normal for small blood clots to pass as well as tissue. For farther along miscarriages you may notice when you have passed the baby. :( Some women choose to look for this so they can grieve, some even choose to take what was their baby and bury it etc... And some women choose not to look to avoid the trauma of it. I did the latter. Another very personal decision.

Other Considerations
Some other things you might want to consider are:
1. Naming your baby - some people find naming their baby helpful for their grieving and in honoring their loss
2. Taking Time off work - most people finding taking a bit of time off work very helpful during a miscarriage
3. Asking for support - there are a lot of places to ask for support: friends & family, support groups, counseling, and online.
4. Honoring your baby - some women find it helpful to honor their baby, many will honor their baby's due date each year, others will buy something special for baby and display it in their home or garden, some will donate items to a local hospital or OBs office for other women who go through a loss
5. Read up on grief - grief is a crazy monster. It can take over your life when you least expect it. Reading up on grief can be very helpful so you know how you are feeling is very normal. And you can discover ways to help yourself in the process of grief.

I am so sorry you are ging through this. Perhaps you can call and request a second ultrasound, just to be sure. Are you ohaving any pregnancy symptoms, tender breasts, morning sickness etc... Let us know how you are doing.

i am so sorry your going through this ...... i hav heard of people going in for the ultrasound and a heart beat not found and then they requeste another ultrasound and there was a heart beat my advise is wait is see what happens go for another ultrasound ..... ive had 2 misscarges and let me tell you you will know if yoour having one ... al the best xxxx